Authentically YOU‍!
Veronika Lehner

In modern society, we are expected to fit into what is considered “the norm”. This typically consists of shutting down who you actually are, because we are so conditioned to try to fit in.

Allowing yourself to actually be who you are is not only enlightening, but true freedom. Stop caring about what others think, and trying to fit a persona that you think everyone wants to see. Stop trying to please others constantly by being someone who you actually aren’t.

From my own personal experience, I used to be that person. I would try so hard to fit in and be liked by everyone. The moment I heard of someone not liking me, it would eat me alive. I would lose sleep over it, because I didn’t understand why this said person didn’t like me. I didn’t do anything to them for them not to like me. I had been like that since childhood due to traumas that were unresolved. The habit of pleasing people comes from being surrounded by others who enable and people please as well. This also develops from being in a household where you never or rarely were provided with the emotional support needed to help your own development. Having emotionally unavailable parents or caregivers is the root cause of this.

Breaking the cycle and understanding that this isn’t healthy is freeing. I’m still personally working on this myself. The more you realize that you can’t please everyone and it’s not up to you to make others happy, the better your life will become. You will feel a sense of relief because you’re not trying to put so much energy into everyone else. Instead, you are using that energy to provide for yourself and to grow as an individual.

This is also true for those who you want to help because they have issues, addiction or you’re longing for a relationship with that person. As hard as it may sound, you cannot control the actions of others. They need to want to help themselves. You can of course still love this person, but again don’t put energy into someone that can’t see what they need to do for themselves. It will only drain and further drag you down when you could be investing that time and energy into yourself and your goals.

Typically when someone doesn’t want a relationship with you, whether it be a parent, friend, or significant other, rarely does it have anything to do with you. Believe it or not, this has to do entirely with themselves. They do not possess a relationship with themselves, or for that matter, a healthy relationship with themselves. They have to work on that first and foremost. They are truly emotionally unavailable to accept love. So do not try to bend over backwards or bend who you are for them. They will make that change when they are ready to face their demons and rebuild themselves. They will come around when they are ready, and if they never are, don’t lose sleep over that. Everyone has their own life to live, everyone can be the own hero of their story.

The takeaway from this is to stop being anything, but who you truly are. Who cares what others may think of you, you can’t make everyone happy. That is up to them to work on their happiness. You’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s okay!  

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